Introduction

It’s because I’m a hard-headed woman that I have the opportunity to share with you part of my life story in this book. I’m going to laugh, if you allow me, at this rather gruesome joke, because it was my hard head that saved my life. Countless times throughout my childhood, and even later, I heard my parents say, “What a hard-headed daughter we have!” Thankfully, they were right.

I decided to write this book because I have an important message for you. And also because, selfishly, I never want to forget what this accident has meant to me. There’s nothing terrible or morbid in it. It’s like life itself: incredible, surprising, difficult, beautiful… It carries you to the limit at times; to a line that is so thin that you don’t know which side of it you’re on. Yes, dear reader, it gives you the chance to feel life’s pulse again, as if you had just been born. It allows you to feel every heartbeat as if it were your first and to live a more alert, happier, more meaningful and aware life.

But tonight I didn’t get out of bed to tell you this. I got out of bed because, like so many other nights, I feel a pain in my chest that no medicine can relieve. Today, like so many other days, I have lived, read, and interiorized the misfortunes of people I know and those I don´t; misfortunes that trouble me and keep me awake. These stories, other people’s stories, were there before my accident, but I only noticed them in passing. It was as if they were behind a shop window and couldn’t touch me. Now I feel their grief almost as if it were my own, and I feel a bitter yet healthy pain when I try to rest and let my mind go blank.

That’s when I try to concentrate on the tempo of Rodrigo’s breathing in his peaceful slumber, to calm my own breathing and be able to sleep. But some nights that’s impossible, my head won’t let me.

You may be thinking, “It must be tough!” And if you’re not, I’ll tell you: it is tough, because now I’m in the same boat as all the people who are sick and who share their suffering with me. I feel for them and I respect them so much that I’ve set up a new team with them: the Team of the Courageous Ill. Unlike other World Championships there is no competition with other teams, however, it is nonetheless real and surprising; a championship in which you can learn life’s most important lessons.

What a pity that words don’t do us justice: rather than sick, one-eyed, cripples… I would say: fighters, resilient ones, brave ones…

But my team’s most outstanding feature is that we’re special human beings because we can stop time, feel every heartbeat as if it were the first, see more clearly with a single eye and smile, even when our problems may dwarf even the biggest of troubles. And best of all: we can feel empathy with the entire “ward,” because there, yes, there we’re all equal: ill before we got here and from now on, brave ones, chosen by destiny.

It’s from here that we connect with the rest of you; the healthy, who may nonetheless have had an accident of your own whether eviction, bankruptcy, divorce or insurmountable grief. We’re stronger than even we thought. If we can win the race back to life and stay on the track, so can you. We’re in this together.

Some people think that I’m especially sensitive because my accident happened so recently. Barely a year has gone by… But that’s exactly why I’m writing this book now, because I don’t want time to dull what I feel, see and think at this very moment. I don’t want this pain and this joy over being alive to go away, as everything else in life does. No, this accident cannot be forgotten. I don’t want it to fade away.

The important message I want to share with you is something that I believe I’m not the only one to have experienced, because I have friends who have lived through similar situations. What I need to say is that until your very last breath, you can decide to go on fighting or to jump ship. I didn’t see a tunnel or a light. I believe in God, but I didn’t see anyone or hear anyone say anything. And yet I was battling in that operating room to a point of exhaustion beyond words. And yes, I decided to keep on fighting. It’s not easy because you don’t know that you’re fighting for your life, no way! My brain dreamt a different reality. But, you know what? That dream was my life, who I am, and I was sure that the people I love were there with me. I say all this with the deepest respect; I’m not saying that others who have passed away could have stayed, no. I’m just saying that I could have passed away, that I feel I could have given up, but my very being, my soul, decided to keep fighting.

It’s not only living that’s a decision. From my experience, I would say that to some extent, dying is also a decision.

For me, this book is a hurrah, a cheer for life because, as I have said, I feel that I have an adult’s brain with the sensitivity of a child. I no longer like to watch violent films: they affect me much more than before. A gaze means much more to me now than a diamond. I pray every night for those who have suffered as I have and don’t feel strong enough to go on. I believe that life is a moment, a gift, and that it shouldn’t be taken too seriously because not even our own life is our own. We’re so insignificant…

So, with this blend of fuels in my engine, I’m going to make my story explode and I hope that my petrol will propel you as well. I hope that without having an accident like mine, you can feel the joy of being alive and enjoy the gift of life.